A court divorce, or litigated divorce, is the most highly publicized type and the one that the media loves because there's so much fighting and drama going on. But court cases are enormously expensive and can have very negative effects on children and their relationships with their parents, and to save your children from that (and spare your budget from collapse) you may wish to choose some other type of divorce. Here are three things you'll need to have in place in order to settle the divorce without a judge.

1. A working relationship with your spouse

If you've seen court divorces on TV, you've seen some pretty bad relationships between spouses. You may think that your relationship isn't anywhere near that bad, but the truth is that in order to agree with your spouse about divorce settlements that are bound to be a compromise, you need to have some interest in his or her happiness as well as your own. If you don't care for your spouse at all anymore or if you have some simmering resentment about his or her annoying habits or other character flaws, these issues could come up during the process and sabotage the plan.

2. A plan for splitting assets and custody

If you go into the process with a plan that you've already talked over with your spouse, there will be less to hash out and fewer surprises will crop up to upset you. If you have many assets, especially ones that aren't easily split or liquidated, and/or children or pets, you'll need to discuss in advance what each of you would ideally get out of the deal, what's the minimum that each of you would settle for, and which assets or custody rights are the most important to each of you. If your pet dachshund is so important to you that you'd trade custody for the ownership of your beachfront property, it's important to know that up front.

3. A flexible attitude 

You should realize at the start that you won't get everything you want. Your "ideal" list would likely leave your spouse very shortchanged, so be prepared to make concessions. The best compromise will allow each of you to obtain the most important things on the "ideal" list while stretching a few points by taking "minimum' on some other things. Remember, you won't be the only one making concessions, and this process isn't supposed to be easy; it involves splitting up a shared life, and it's (probably) not all your spouse's fault.

These three essentials should be present if you wish to settle the divorce between the two of you, whether it's a mediated divorce, a collaborative divorce, or a DIY divorce. For more information, contact firms like Healy and Svoren Attorneys at Law.